In the digital age, romance has found a new home. For the young generation, love often begins with a friend request on Facebook, a heart reaction on Instagram, or a playful exchange on Snapchat. Dating apps like Tinder and Tantan connect strangers with a swipe.

But for a growing number of teens and young adults in Nepal, the very technologies that facilitate romance have become spaces for control, manipulation, and abuse.

Take Anisha, a 17-year-old student from Lalitpur. Meeting a charming boy on Instagram felt like the start of a cute online romance for the plus-two student, who the Post is identifying with a pseudonym to protect her privacy.

However, the boy, five years older than her and a bachelor’s student at her institution, quickly became controlling, Anisha says. Just a month in, he demanded her social media passwords as a ‘test of loyalty’.

He used her accounts to post inappropriate photos and send hurtful messages to her friends. He put pressure on her to meet in person, engage in drinking and smoking, and share more private pictures, all under the guise of being ‘jealous and possessive’.

“I thought it was okay because that’s how it’s shown in the movies,” Anisha says. “At the time, I didn’t realise it was an abusive relationship where my consent didn’t matter.”

Over the ensuing seven months, his controlling behaviour only increased as he threatened to leak her private pictures. “Thank God my best friend didn’t leave my side, although the abuser tried his best,” she says.

With the help of her best friend, she blocked him on all social media platforms and after complaining to the college dean, the boy stopped pestering her in college.

But the psychological toll the episode has taken on Anisha has been immense. She now rarely goes outside except her college and has deleted her social media accounts. “I don’t think I’ll ever get into a relationship again,” says Anisha.

Anisha is not alone. According to a research report released by ChildSafeNet and the Sexual Violence Research Initiative (SVRI) on December 26, many young people in Nepal are grappling with online intimate partner violence (IPV).

The research conducted across ten districts in all seven provinces surveyed 4,501 participants aged 16 to 24. It revealed that one in four young people in relationships have faced online IPV.

Online IPV involves abusive behaviours conducted in digital spaces, such as social media or networking platforms, or through the misuse of technology. These actions can cause physical, sexual, emotional, or economic harm for the affected.

“Our research shows that individuals of all genders and sexual orientations are vulnerable to online IPV, with men and boys slightly more affected than women and girls, challenging traditional perceptions of IPV,” says Anil Raghuvansi, founder and president of ChildSafe Net.

Of the participants surveyed, 24 percent had experienced online IPV, with males reporting a higher prevalence (27 percent) compared to females (21 percent).

Among the LGBTQIA+ community, the rates of abuse were particularly high. Many young people from this community rely on dating apps and online platforms to explore their identities and find like-minded partners.

However, this openness has also made them more vulnerable to exploitation and abuse.

Emotional violence, particularly excessive social media control, stalking, and verbal abuse, was the most prevalent form of online IPV.

In the research period, which started in August 2021, Facebook was the most popular platform where online IPV took place, used by 81.5 percent of teens and young adults. YouTube followed at 70.2 percent, and TikTok at 57.1 percent.

The study was conducted across all seven provinces of Nepal, covering 13 municipalities in 10 districts: Jhapa, Sunsari, Parsa, Kathmandu, Chitwan, Lamjung, Kaski, Dang, Surkhet, and Doti.

Sunsari district reported the highest prevalence of online IPV (38 percent).

Shorter relationships, especially those lasting under six months, were linked to a higher likelihood of online IPV, indicating the volatile nature of digital interactions.

Another concerning finding from the study was the direct connection between online and offline IPV. Of the participants who experienced IPV, 46 percent reported facing both online and offline violence simultaneously.

Eleven percent of the participants were in adult-minor relationships which raises concerns about the vulnerabilities linked to sexual consent and practices.

This research buttresses the findings of Nepal Police’s Cyber Bureau which has tracked a rise in cyber violence cases involving children. The bureau reported 635 cases of cyber violence in fiscal year 2023-24, a 260.8 percent increase from 176 cases the previous year.

Among children, the forms of online sexual abuse were especially disturbing.

In a 2023 study by Voice of Children and KNH Germany, 38.6 percent of girls and 32.3 percent of boys in Nepal reported receiving calls and messages of sexual nature.

Both the studies and the Cyber Bureau’s findings show an overlap between online IPV and offline violence. As cases of digital abuse increase, so do the physical and psychological consequences for the victims.

Females, in particular, reported higher levels of emotional distress, including long-term effects such as loneliness (17 percent), depression (16.3 percent), and self-harm (12 percent).

Despite its growing prevalence, online IPV remains underreported. Twenty-five percent of victims took no immediate action after experiencing abuse.

Like Anisha, survivors frequently resorted to self-coping measures such as blocking the perpetrator, leaving social media, or confiding in friends. Very few sought formal support from police, counselors, or legal professionals.

Legal barriers compound the issue.

Nepal’s Electronic Transaction Act (ETA) 2008, which addresses cybercrimes, does not adequately cover online IPV or online child sexual abuse.

While the Domestic Violence (Offense and Punishment) Act 2009 addresses family-related IPV, it excludes romantic relationships. Legal provisions such as time limits for filing complaints (35 days), privacy concerns, and lack of child protection further hinder justice.

Raghuvansi, the founder and president of ChildSafe Net, says online IPV is a relatively new and underreported issue in Nepal. “Current laws do not clearly define online intimate partner relationships or the violence within them,” he says. “Legal reforms and gender-inclusive, survivor-centered support services are urgently needed.”